When to Confront an Alcoholic

by Ed Philips

Confronting an alcoholic is a difficult task. Never attempt a confrontation while the drinker is under the influence of alcohol, only approach the alcoholic while sober and clear headed. Sometimes referred to as an intervention, the choice to confront an alcoholic should be in accordance to guidelines set forth by those educated in the field such as Al-Anon, the support group for the family members of alcoholics. Always consult the individual’s doctor or an alcohol disorder specialist before intervening to establish how to confront the alcoholic. Keep the following nine helpful tips in mind when preparing for an intervention.

See what the experts advise by speaking with the Al-Anon association in your area. People there can provide useful resource information as well as advising you on how to plan the. If there is no Al-Anon available in your area try to make an appointment with a licensed therapist, counselor, or psychologist to discuss the problem and how to best approach it. While in general interventions have similar characteristics, each situation has unique circumstances and each individual has personal characteristics that make each intervention different.

You might find yourself wanting to berate and condemn a loved one should they come home intoxicated yet again. This fails to be productive as the drunk will ignore the criticism while under the alcohol influence and most likely forget about it the following when day when sober. It is crucial to talk to the person when sober and with a bit of luck, open to the idea of hearing your concerns. If a spontaneous opening should not happen, try to schedule a talk after dinner or when the two of you have some privacy and cannot be interrupted.

Other relatives, close friends, or even members of Al-Anon that you may have met can by your supporters, as they may have been in comparable situations as you at some point. They may even decide to join you in confronting the alcoholic in your family. That decision can depend on you and the circumstances involving the person who drinks too much, as well as professional opinions about the situation.

You cannot be weak or indirect when confronting an alcoholic. You must use a matter-of-fact tone in your voice and simply state the cause and effect of the individual’s drinking. Use examples of the alcoholic’s troubled behaviors and the consequent results. Try to support your statements with dates, amounts of alcohol consumed, occurrences of negative behavior and even the amounts spent on drinking. It requires a lot of backbone to confront an alcoholic, so make sure to stand strong and firm. Stay calm and refer back to the facts should the alcoholic want to argue.

People often enable an alcoholic, allowing him or her to stay in that way by letting them sidestep responsibility and manipulate others to ignore his misdeeds or cover for him at work or in public. If you are one of the enablers the alcoholic may assume he can have his way again to get out of the intervention without making any changes. A huge part of an intervention’s potential for success is the family member who arranges it being able to change, too. A person who wants to help must not continue to enable the alcoholic to abuse alcohol. Stand your ground and most importantly, don’t let the alcoholic bully or wheedle you into giving up.

Along with confronting the drinker with the effects of his behavior, comes the importance for a recovery plan. Arrangements for rehabilitation program either onsite or as an outpatient at a local clinic or support group can be made with the help of an organization such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon or a family doctor. Halfway houses are even available if found to be a viable alternative. Check first to see is a certain detoxification program will accept the alcoholic you are helping and take the beginning steps for the person to be admitted without any delay after the intervention. When choosing a program, make sure to convey that you cannot guarantee the drinker will not only enroll but stick to the program unless he accepts the program as a part of a new alcohol free life.

It is an emotional process and if the alcoholic agrees to go into a rehab facility, friends and family must provide support and encouragement during the detoxification phase and rehabilitation program, which often involves patient and family counseling. Rehab can last anywhere between several days to several months. In general, most programs last 28 days or less, given our job and family responsibilities, and in some cases the rehabilitators can continue as a non-resident while resuming career and household responsibilities. Whichever way the program plays out, love, acceptance, and willingness to support changes in lifestyle can go a long way toward helping the alcoholic become successful in kicking the alcohol habit.

As I mentioned above briefly, family members who are living with an alcoholic must also be willing to take responsibility for their own behavior and make any necessary changes, as well. Some required adjustments might include refusing to cover for an alcoholic’s inability to go to work by reporting him absent, paying bills that the drinker should pay when he has spent his paycheck for alcoholic beverages, and letting the drunkard abuse or terrorize the family by acts of recklessness or violence. It is not surprising that sobriety can actually make life harder for the drinker and his family as everyone adjusts to new rules and learns how to follow through consistently. Some alcoholics can be ill- tempered, demanding, and peevish, while others may act guilty, embarrassed, or repentant.

Results may not appear automatically after confronting an alcoholic. The drinker may fluctuate between being in favor to rehab and resisting it, or he may enter rehab but leave early or relapse after finishing the program. Unfortunately, there is no guaranteed. After confronting an alcoholic, all you can do is maintain your points and wait for the drinker’s reaction. That alone will decide the conclusion of your intervention. If the drinker chooses not to pursue treatment or it proves ineffective, the family should continue to receive counseling and support as they make decisions about the future.

One of the most difficult things is to live with an alcoholic. Their inability to control their drinking creates problems for not only themselves but for everyone around them. It can be hard for family to separate themselves from the drinker and create effective boundaries against the alcoholic in order to prevent the drinker’s problems from spreading. With knowledge, professional support, and loads of assurance, relatives can incorporate a dose of tough love into their confrontation to give that person a chance at recovery. An intervention is a positive step in the right direction, a direction that includes admitting a problem and choosing to have the willingness to take action to end the addiction. These steps will lead to a better life for both the drinker and those he loves.

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